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Choosing an Attorney

rosemary • Mar 24, 2017

I am often asked for attorney referrals by potential clients embarking on the divorce process. My usual response is that I am better able to make referrals after meeting with you, understanding something about your situation, what you prefer in the way an attorney will represent you, and getting to know you is a limited way. Even after all that, I will provide at least three names of attorneys for you to interview, assess and make your own best decision.


An attorney is not a commodity. This is a person with whom you must feel comfortable and about whom you must feel confident. You will need to have some of the most personal conversations of your life with this person and subsequently trust them to literally represent your best interests in a way that you wish to be represented. An unreasonably pugnacious attorney will make you seem unreasonable and pugnacious. Is that really how you want to appear to a judge? Even if you do not go to full trial, there will be brief court hearings during the divorce process that will impact the course of your case. It is your attorney who will speak for you in each of those instances.


It is often the case that your choice of attorney speaks volumes about how you want to proceed, based upon their reputation. I have seen people who were regretful about their choice of attorney because they were feeling combative at the time, but now just want to settle and get it over with. Unfortunately, the attorney was still in “fight mode” and would continue on this path because that is how they practice. Conversely, others may have hired a rather passive attorney, with strong leanings toward compromise and resolution to avoid trials, and ultimately they felt under-represented and outmatched by their spouse’s counsel.


Ideally, you will want an attorney who is willing and able to negotiate strategically with the intent to settle as equitably as possible, yet be capable of strong trial skills if, and when, needed. Family law is a specialty area of the law, so choose a specialist. Someone whose practice is at least 75% family law is recommended. There will be generalists who will be willing to take your case, thinking it is “just a divorce,” but that is not what you need.


Expect to pay for the initial consult. Professionals make their living by providing information, and you are there for information. You need to wonder why someone would not charge for their valuable time. Add to that, the age-old divorce game of “eliminate the attorney.” That is where a spouse interviews all the choice attorneys in their area so that each of them must recuse themselves from any contact with the other spouse due to conflict of interest. We call this “conflicted out.” So do you really believe that attorneys, and professionals like myself, should give free initial consults to people who have no intention of hiring them, only so that their spouse will be unable to hire them?


Prepare for your attorney interviews. Yes, you are interviewing them for a job that they may or may not get. Bring some documentation that summarizes the timeline and key events in your marriage, including children, as well as assets, debts and current income levels. Check everything you can about them on the internet:  website, Martindale-Hubble ratings, FindLaw ratings, AVVO ratings, key word search, social media, etc. Read articles on a variety of websites that provide insight to selecting an attorney.


After you search and read findings for “selecting a divorce attorney,” prepare a list of questions that are important to you. There are many suggestions in those articles that I will not repeat here. But I will say that you should cover several key areas with your questions:  their experience and specialization in family law; their availability in terms of current case load, responsiveness to email and phone calls, and how much of the work for your case will they actually do, versus handing it off to a paralegal; the divorce process and what is to be expected to happen; and financial arrangements like amount of retainer, refundable or not, replenishment requirements, billing, and payment terms.


Additional questions that are unable to be answered but can be revealing in terms of how they are handled are:  How long will the divorce take? (It depends.); How much will this cost? (It depends.); Can you work for both of us to save money? (No. Never.).


It is also revealing to observe the tempo and mood around to office. Are people pleasant and respectful? Or tense and condescending? This is how you will be treated as well.


As you prepare for your meetings, begin to compile a list of what factors will be most important to you in evaluating attorneys. It is best to do this beforehand, rather than after you are influenced by an interview experience and you downgrade the importance of a factor because he/she “was so nice” even though they lacked what would have been your most important factor. Then evaluate each attorney immediately following your interview and rate them on the things that are important to you.


The divorce process is difficult at best, but it can become better or worse due to the attorney you select. A final caveat, remember that you are hiring an attorney for their legal expertise. An attorney is not a financial expert, and will most likely have an exclusion in their services contract that relieves them of any responsibility for financial advice. If you need help understanding financial and tax issues, hire a divorce financial consultant. Likewise, an attorney is not a therapist. It can be very expensive to pour your heart out to an attorney. Even if they are a good listener, they cannot provide the help you need and should get from a mental health professional. You need to build a divorce team. While this sounds expensive, doing so may actually be less expensive and more efficient in the long run.

Dependent Children and Tax Benefits

By rosemary • 21 May, 2018
The conversation regarding which parent should claim the children as dependents has changed dramatically since the recent tax reform, effective January 2018, eliminated the personal exemption. Yes, that $4,050 (in 2017) tax exemption per child is gone. Parents will not even get that exemption for themselves. This is causing extensive confusion among attorneys and clients alike. The Parenting Plan template has not been revised to reflect this and still contains an entire section dedicated to which parent will claim the exemptions. The new answer to that is Neither one. However, other tax benefits related to child dependents have gained new importance and must be taken into consideration when negotiating which parent claims the children as dependents. The overall goal is to maximize tax benefits between the parents and minimize combined taxes paid and the financial needs of either parent. The primary residential parent will be able to file as Head of Household and take advantage of th...

Tax Reform Effects Upon divorce

By rosemary • 28 Dec, 2017
The most significant tax reform in thirty years was signed into law December 22. With barely a week to understand how it impacts all open and future divorce cases, it became effective January 1, 2018, unless otherwise noted. Many of the provisions have sunset dates, upon which rules will revert to pre 2018, unless extended.Alimony, beginning January 1, 2019, will not be tax deductible for payer, nor taxable to the recipient. Modified orders, after that same effective date, will adhere to the previous tax deductible/taxable treatment in the original orders, unless it is specified in the modification orders that the new not deductible/not taxable treatment will apply. Although the effectiveness of this dramatic change has been delayed for a full year, we will need to pay attention to it immediately for any active cases that are not expected to conclude before December 31, 2018.Tax Brackets have been adjusted more than normal annual inflation adjustments. Some for the better, others not s...

Tax Overhaul Targets Alimony

By Rosemary • 09 Nov, 2017
Content of the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act (TCJA) was revealed last week and, as it now stands, alimony discussions will change dramatically. If approved in its current state, on this issue, going forward as of January 1, 2018, no alimony will be tax deductible for the payer, nor taxable to the recipient. This includes all alimony modifications made after January 1. All standing alimony orders will retain their current tax status for payer and recipient.The TCJA is the most sweeping tax reform proposed in over thirty years and will impact a number of other areas that are relevant to divorce. I will be reporting on them after the changes are approved and finalized. In the meantime, however, the alimony issue is major and may impact how cases are handled and/or settled during the coming weeks. Every effort is being made to pass this legislation within the next thirty days. It remains to be seen how much it will be altered in the interim, but suffice it to say that we need to be paying attentio...

Preparing for Divorce

By rosemary • 25 Jan, 2017
You have decided this divorce needs to happen. Now what do you do? Prepare yourself. The following are some steps to take before you pull the trigger and set things in motion.Take care of deferred needs like dental work, new eye glasses, replace the tires, fix the roof, etc. Money is going to get tight, real soon, so better to know these things are taken care of.On the other hand, you will need to save some cash for the expenses of the divorce process: hiring professionals like a financial advisor, attorney, and therapist to help you get through this painful and complex process; possible moving expenses; replacing household furnishings, etc.Copy all financial documents of any kind that you can access safely. Put copies in a secure place, preferably under lock and key, maybe at work or with a friend. This includes bank statements, credit card statements, credit reports, retirement accounts, pensions, investment accounts, tax returns and all accompanying documents required to prepare th...

Your Financial Advisor's Role in Your Divorce

By rosemary • 17 Oct, 2016
What assistance can you expect from your current financial planner or advisor during your divorce? The short answer is "None." Your divorce presents a clear ethical dilemma and/or conflict of interest for your current financial professional. They must simply "sit it out," wait for the divorce to be finalized, then resume services, if you wish them to do so. Whether they realize this, or acknowledge as much, is up to them. However, this message is to help you make more informed decisions regarding whose advice you seek during divorce.The best thing you can do for yourself is to hire an objective Divorce Financial Planner, who is a licensed financial and investment professional, as well as a divorce specialist. Verify their credentials: check their public record on BrokerCheck.FINRA.org and/or AdviserInfo.SEC.gov websites; confirm their divorce financial qualifications. As an investment professional, your Divorce Financial Planner will be familiar with the characteristics and nuances...

Financial Abuse is a Form of Domestic Violence

By rosemary • 29 Sep, 2016
It is insidious, cloaked in false "protectiveness," a form of bullying, and a precursor to domestic violence. It leaves no bruises, but it hurts, really hurts. It will erode one's self esteem, enslave them to the one who is supposed to love them, and destroy the victim's spirit, sense of self worth, the very essence of their individuality. It makes them hopeless and helpless so that they never leave.Financial abuse is more readily recognized in the mental health community as it relates to elder abuse, rather than spousal abuse. Elder financial abuse is usually about theft. Spousal financial abuse is about control and domination. Control of the money translates to control of the relationship and the other person, in every way. Financial abuse, according to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, is reported to be present in 98% of all domestic violence situations. In the vast majority of situations, women are the victims of the abuse. These comments will be framed accordingly.I o...

Do You Like Money?

By rosemary • 01 Sep, 2016
Since divorce will force you to make the largest financial decisions of your entire life, so far anyway, it is probably a good time to examine your relationship with money. Do you like it? Really? Then why don't you have more of it? These are meaningful questions because, like marriage and divorce, money is something that is highly emotional.Our relationships with money date back to early childhood and initial experiences with money, be they positive or negative. Think about how money was regarded in your family of origin and how that has impacted you to this day. Maybe money was a taboo topic, maybe it was something there never seemed to be enough of, maybe it seemed to cause all the other problems in your family, maybe there was plenty of it but still caused all the problems in your household.Let's go back to my original question: "Do you like money?" The likely answer something like, "Of course, everyone likes money!" Then why, when you get some, do you immediately think of what you...

Is All Disappearing Money Dissipation?

By rosemary • 29 Jul, 2016
Maybe. Divorce is a time of great distrust between spouses. Such distrust is most likely at the root of the many possible reasons for the divorce. If money seems to be disappearing, either during the marriage or since the initiation of the divorce, it is possible that there is spending that qualifies as dissipation.Simply put, dissipation is the spending of marital funds, or use of any marital asset, for some purpose that does not benefit the marriage. Dissipation is money that is leaving the marital estate, thereby reducing what remains to be divided in the settlement of the marital estate. Examples may include gambling, alcohol, illegal drugs, expenditures on any activity related to a paramour, and unusual or excessive purchases not characteristic during the marriage, by one spouse.Dissipation is one of those things that the offended spouse knows is happening, but providing evidence of same could become a challenge. Extensive forensic analysis of household finances may be required to...

Divorce and Credit Cards

By rosemary • 31 May, 2016
In addition to your marriage being an emotional relationship, it has also been a financial partnership. Now that you are divorcing, be sure you get a financial divorce as well. To complete the process, all three credit reporting agencies must reflect your new individual financial status.Early in the divorce process, pull up to date credit reports from each of the three credit reporting agencies: Equifax, Experian, and Transunion. All three are necessary because they likely will have differences in their reported content and you want to be sure to cover everything. It would not serve you well to have two accurate credit reports and encounter a prospective lender in the future who depends upon the third for their determinations of your credit worthiness.Your purpose should be two fold, identify those accounts that need to be "divorced" and assure that you will have at least two individual credit cards, of your own, post divorce. You may have developed habits during the marriage of thinki...

Five Ways to Financially Prepare for Divorce

By rosemary • 29 Apr, 2016
Financial issues will dominate the discussion of your divorce settlement. Therefore, it makes sense to prepare financially for divorce. You are preparing not only for the actual expenses related to the divorce process, but also for the major financial adjustments that will follow. (For those of you who were looking for ways to hide assets, this is not where you will find it.)Taking the following financial steps will help you be better prepared, financially, for the divorce process, as well as the outcome. But remember, in spite of all your preparation, there will still be difficult times ahead.Save money. Forego as many unnecessary expenditures as possible and save funds to pay for your divorce team of professionals: therapist, financial advisor, and attorney. You will need the assistance of these experts, who help people like you through divorce on a daily basis, just to understand what is happening to you and what to do about it. Divorce is like no other life experience and to try t...
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